I am addicted to email. I check it constantly. If I’m not at my computer I check it on my phone while I’m driving, coaching my sons soccer game, talking to my wife or kids, and even doing yard work. About the only time I don’t check it is when I’m in a meeting with someone or sleeping. Recently I read a great book called “The Power of Full Engagement.” It is written by two sports psychologists who teach executives how to perform at a higher level. They focus on helping people improve their performance by managing their energy. If you often feel tired during the day, or are exhausted at the end of the day, you are most likely doing a poor job of managing your energy.
One of their key concepts is that you should focus on tasks for a period of 90 minutes and then move onto something else. You should limit your multitasking, That means not checking emails every time you hear a beep. Checking email constantly will drain your energy, make you less productive, and more irritable. Their advice is to check email twice a day! What I noticed was that my email had taken control of my life. It even made me slightly anxious, always waiting for that next email. While it wasn’t easy to check email twice a day, after a few days I found myself feeling and thinking a little bit differently. I felt less controlled by email, and realized that I had gotten away from doing some of the things that I really enjoyed doing because I was always reacting to my emails. I also realized that rarely do I get an email that is urgent and needs immediate attention.
In the book the authors interview many top executives and find that the most productive don’t check email on a regular basis. The top executives have strict routines that they follow and many check email in the morning or the evening.
Are you ready to give up your email addiction? Here is a challenge. For one day try checking your email only once in the morning and once in the afternoon. You might be surprised by how much control email has on you. I can guarantee only one thing. You will survive.
George may seem a bit out of control but it shows exactly what happens to us when we become hijacked by our emotions. We all get hijacked from time to time. If you watch the video closely you’ll notice that it’s George’s thoughts that are hijacking his emotions. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, his job is parking cars, and he lives at home with his parents. What really puts him over the edge is that Kramer, who’s never even had a job, gets a speaking part in a Woody Allen movie.
We all get hijacked by our emotions. Although hopefully not quite as bad as George. A highjacking occurs when the emotional part of your brain takes control and the logical or thinking part of your brain shutsdown. One example of this is when someone sends you an email that sends you through the roof. Your emotions take over and the first thing you want to do is to respond with the most vicious combination of words you have ever been able to put in one sentence. Of course if you are smart you don’t send that email.
There is a logical way to help you calm down when you are feeling hijacked. If you actually label how you are feeling it helps you calm down and get back into functioning from your logical brain. Ive tried it and it really does work. So the next time someone pushes you over the edge remember to say to yourself; “they make me feel _________. It might just keep you from acting like George.
What is your focus for 2009? What do you want to accomplish? How much money do you want to make? What are the best goals to set for 2009?
Here is a thought, it is my experience that one of the most important goals you can set for yourself is to improve the quality of relationships you have with those close with you.
In my work in organizations I can tell you that in almost 100% of the cases, when the company was struggling or stagnant it was because of struggling relationships at the top of the organization. In one case the relationship with the GM and owner was so strained that it threatened to put the company out of business. It was one of my first clients and in the beginning I tried to ignore some of the relationship issues and focused on strategy and operational issues. I quickly learned that until the two improved their relationship with each other the company was going to continue to struggle. Over the next year we worked on improving how the two worked together. I am happy to say that years later the company is not only surviving but has tripled in size and the owner and GM are clearly responsible for the company’s growth. The company, which is in the construction industry, had it’s best year ever in 2008 and is poised to surpass this in 2009. Yes, this is happening in a down economy where most of his competitors are struggling. If you ask the owner what was the key to the company growing he will tell you it was the work that was done to improve how he and his GM worked together.
I will cover how we got there in future blog posts but for now I want to make it clear that in all the companies I have worked with the strength of relationships at the top was the number one reason for the company’s success or struggles.
In my recent newsletter I wrote about the importance of being focused on what you are trying to accomplish in your work. As the new year is coming upon us quickly it is a great time to revisit that subject. I believe there is nothing more important to you having an impactful year in 2009 then becoming clear on what it is you want to accomplish. I’ll be posting daily messages to help you begin the work of getting focused for 2009. If you are skeptical about doing this work I’d like to make a few points.
1. Nothing important ever happens by chance. If you want to make a big impact in 2009 you’ve got to prepare for it.
2. Being focused also means letting go of ideas and plans that have been floating around in your head but you never take action on. These clutter your mind and keep you from doing what needs to be done
3. Most of the time we don’t spend enough time trying to figure out what we want. I have found that most of us( including myself) don’t give the proper effort towards figuring out what we really want to accomplish. By doing this we tend to grab onto any opportunity that is placed in front of us.
Over the next month I’ll be adding articles and exercises to help you begin the planning that you will need to do to create the focus and energy to make a huge impact on your business in 2009
If you are a football fan you obviously are aware that NY Giants star wide receiver Plaxico Burress is in trouble with the law for accidentally shooting himself in the leg while in at a NY nightclub. Most people are saying enough is enough with Plaxico and his issues. Earlier this year he was suspended by the Giants for missing practice and he has often been fined for being late for meetings. They want the Giants to release him and claim he should be banned from football. My thoughts are that Plaxico does not appear to be a bad guy and that he suffers only from what many of us suffer from and that is what I call “authorityitiss”. That is he doesn’t like to have to listen to those in power tell him what to do. That is why he misses practices and meetings and that is most likely why he got himself into this latest mess. He wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. The only thing he is guilty of is playing by his own rules by carrying an unregistered gun. Whether it is missing meetings or not registering a gun it all points to the same issue; he doesn’t like to follow rules,
Most of us can probably relate to Plaxico in some way. If you work for a company you have to follow rules and do things that you don’t agree with or like to do. Most reasonable people make a choice to “put up” with things that they don’t want to do for the greater good of being successful. I have a friend who is much like Plaxico in that he hates to follow “the rules” He’s a highly successful business man in a fortune 500 company because as he says it; “sometimes you have to put up with stuff to be able to succeed.”
Plaxico has himself in big trouble and may end up in jail for it. However, lets not think that he is so different from the rest of us. Many who are like Plaxico end up starting their own businesses so they don’t have to take orders from others. ( I would bet that a few of my old bosses would put me in this catagory) Maybe Plaxico could start his own one man football team.
Finding motivation is one of the biggest differences between people who survive and people who really make something out of their lives. One way to find motivation is to better understand your link to your family’s past and your role in creating your family’s future. Here are some thoughts.
1. Looking at your family’s lineage
Years ago I remember a phone call with one of my older brothers and we were discussing what it meant to be a “Turi”.Being ten years older than I am he has a different take and is more in touch with our heritage and closer to our relatives than I have ever been. Here is what he told me.“The Turi’s have always been survivors.Most have never achieved a lot of success but they have found ways to survive.” I found that comment both liberating and motivating. It was liberating in that I understood that some of my struggles to succeed might be rooted in a family culture and perhaps even our DNA. It was motivating because I decided I wanted to change that. I wanted to change it for myself and for my children.
Years later that phone conversation continues to drive me. I think about what it is that “Turi’s” need to learn to make more of an impact in life and to be more successful.I’ve come to the conclusion that we need to learn to be more risk takers and to have more confidence in ourselves.My Dad was a great man who owned a deli in Hoboken New Jersey. He was a strong Catholic and did a lot for those less fortunate. He started a program where once a week he brought sandwiches to the homeless people in the Bowery in New York City.That program continued for years after he died. Yet I get the feeling that if he was more motivated and willing to take more risks he could have accomplished even more.
I think it is important to take a step back and look at your family lineage. While you may not know all of your relatives you have been shaped by the culture of your family heritage and their DNA.A part of who you are is based on great grand parents you may never have known.
There are three questions that could be helpful in understanding your heritage and finding motivation in it.
1. Looking at the generations of your family what is one word to you use to describe them?
2. What is it that your family (think not just your family but your family lineage) needs to learn to make more of an impact in the world?
3. What can you do today to begin changing your family’s heritage?
What this will do for you is to help you find motivation in your life.It will drive you to act and think in ways that you have been reluctant to do in the past. If you focus on this and keep this with you it can be that motivation that gets you to do a little extra everyday.
I’ve recently struggled through a period where I lost the enjoyment and sense of fulfillment that I used to get in my work. What used to be fun now was a chore. Teaching college students now became a chore. Networking… a chore. Working with clients… a chore. It hit me when my wife one day made the comment that I wasn’t acting like this was my dream job anymore. What happened? What I realized was that I had stopped focusing on the excitement and fun of what I was doing and began looking at everything as a chore. Something that had to be checked off the list.
How did I get myself out of this? I began to to ask myself one question in everything I did; ” Where is the fun and enjoyment in this?” What i realized was that it was still there I just wasn’t paying attention to it. For example instead of focusing on the fun and excitement I got from teaching and opening peoples minds to new ideas I started to focus on the chore of preparing for class and grading papers and tests. While both are a necessary evil of teaching it isn’t everything. I love when I come up with creative ways to get a point across or I say something that clicks with students in a way that they have never thought before. When I started to refocus on that part of the job I became more energetic and excited about what I was doing.
So what’s the point? When we are feeling stale, tired and stressed, it is important to focus on the enjoyment that you get from what you are doing. It may sound too simple of a solution but I have found it really works. It takes practice and isn’t a miracle cure but if you stay with it over a couple of weeks it can have a big affect on mood and energy level.
Jimmy V’s Famous speech is a lesson in leading with Emotional Intelligence
As I was driving to work today ESPN sports (the only station I listen to) was replaying a famous speech given at the Espy awards (a sports award show) back in 1993 by Jim Valvano. Every time I hear it I am so moved and inspired that I thought I would share this with you.
If you are not familiar with Jim Valvano and the speech he gave at the 1993 ESPN Espy awards it is something that you will want to watch. If you have seen it before, watch it again. It will change your day and will only take 10 minutes of your time.
Jim Valvano was a famous college basketball coach who in 1983 pulled off one of the greatest college basketball upsets when his team North Carolina State won the NCAA basketball tournament. In 1992 Valvano was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He gave this speech in 1993 knowing that he did not have much time to live. He died less than two month’s after giving this speech.
What I take from this speech is Jimmy’s comments that every day you must do three things;” Laugh, think, and have your emotions be brought to tears. Think about this, if you laugh, think, and cry, that is a heck of a day.” Jimmy understood a big part of emotional intelligence. He allowed himself to experience a full range of emotions every single day and that is what gave his life meaning.
As leaders of others we should not only encourage ourselves but those who follow us to laugh, think, and to be moved emotionally every day. We sometimes get so caught up in what we are trying to accomplish that we forget what is really important.
Take a look at this video and leave a message on what it means to you.
If you are a football fan you have obviously heard that Brett Favre is considering returning to football after retiring this past spring. You are also probably aware that for the past 3 years he has struggled mightly with his decision of whether or not to retire or come back to play football. It seems to me that Brett might be suffering from a lack of what is called “impulse control.” Impulse control is a critical competency in emotional intelligence. When a person has impulse control they may feel a certain way but they don’t always act on those feelings. For example; you may be angry with an employee but you don’t react until you have time to think it through. In Favre’s case it has been reported that he is feeling “the itch” to come back. That itch is an emotion or a feeling. Listening to other athletes comment on Favre it is an itch that many athletes have after they retire. However, with strong impulse control you are able to manage that “itch” and think logically through the situation. In Favre’s case he may recognize that it is normal to feel this way and think back to the reasons he retired. People with low impulse control tend to react to every emotion and are not able to think it through. My guess is that this is most likely a tendency that we are born with and that some have this ability more than others. Never the less it can be developed and is a critical competency that a leader must possess. What does low impulse control look like in the business world? Here are a few examples;
1. Losing it in a meeting and yelling at someone.
2. Reacting to every problem as if it were the end of the world
3. Making a major decision without taking time to look at all of the factors and other possibilities.
We are probably all guilty of this to some degree. Learning to manage our impulses and think through an issue is important at work and at home. It can keep you from snapping at the kids, making bad decisions, and being seen as someone who is over reactive. How do you do this? We’ll discuss next time.