If you are a football fan you obviously are aware that NY Giants star wide receiver Plaxico Burress is in trouble with the law for accidentally shooting himself in the leg while in at a NY nightclub. Most people are saying enough is enough with Plaxico and his issues. Earlier this year he was suspended by the Giants for missing practice and he has often been fined for being late for meetings. They want the Giants to release him and claim he should be banned from football. My thoughts are that Plaxico does not appear to be a bad guy and that he suffers only from what many of us suffer from and that is what I call “authorityitiss”. That is he doesn’t like to have to listen to those in power tell him what to do. That is why he misses practices and meetings and that is most likely why he got himself into this latest mess. He wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. The only thing he is guilty of is playing by his own rules by carrying an unregistered gun. Whether it is missing meetings or not registering a gun it all points to the same issue; he doesn’t like to follow rules,
Most of us can probably relate to Plaxico in some way. If you work for a company you have to follow rules and do things that you don’t agree with or like to do. Most reasonable people make a choice to “put up” with things that they don’t want to do for the greater good of being successful. I have a friend who is much like Plaxico in that he hates to follow “the rules” He’s a highly successful business man in a fortune 500 company because as he says it; “sometimes you have to put up with stuff to be able to succeed.”
Plaxico has himself in big trouble and may end up in jail for it. However, lets not think that he is so different from the rest of us. Many who are like Plaxico end up starting their own businesses so they don’t have to take orders from others. ( I would bet that a few of my old bosses would put me in this catagory) Maybe Plaxico could start his own one man football team.
Finding motivation is one of the biggest differences between people who survive and people who really make something out of their lives. One way to find motivation is to better understand your link to your family’s past and your role in creating your family’s future. Here are some thoughts.
1. Looking at your family’s lineage
Years ago I remember a phone call with one of my older brothers and we were discussing what it meant to be a “Turi”.Being ten years older than I am he has a different take and is more in touch with our heritage and closer to our relatives than I have ever been. Here is what he told me.“The Turi’s have always been survivors.Most have never achieved a lot of success but they have found ways to survive.” I found that comment both liberating and motivating. It was liberating in that I understood that some of my struggles to succeed might be rooted in a family culture and perhaps even our DNA. It was motivating because I decided I wanted to change that. I wanted to change it for myself and for my children.
Years later that phone conversation continues to drive me. I think about what it is that “Turi’s” need to learn to make more of an impact in life and to be more successful.I’ve come to the conclusion that we need to learn to be more risk takers and to have more confidence in ourselves.My Dad was a great man who owned a deli in Hoboken New Jersey. He was a strong Catholic and did a lot for those less fortunate. He started a program where once a week he brought sandwiches to the homeless people in the Bowery in New York City.That program continued for years after he died. Yet I get the feeling that if he was more motivated and willing to take more risks he could have accomplished even more.
I think it is important to take a step back and look at your family lineage. While you may not know all of your relatives you have been shaped by the culture of your family heritage and their DNA.A part of who you are is based on great grand parents you may never have known.
There are three questions that could be helpful in understanding your heritage and finding motivation in it.
1. Looking at the generations of your family what is one word to you use to describe them?
2. What is it that your family (think not just your family but your family lineage) needs to learn to make more of an impact in the world?
3. What can you do today to begin changing your family’s heritage?
What this will do for you is to help you find motivation in your life.It will drive you to act and think in ways that you have been reluctant to do in the past. If you focus on this and keep this with you it can be that motivation that gets you to do a little extra everyday.
I’ve recently struggled through a period where I lost the enjoyment and sense of fulfillment that I used to get in my work. What used to be fun now was a chore. Teaching college students now became a chore. Networking… a chore. Working with clients… a chore. It hit me when my wife one day made the comment that I wasn’t acting like this was my dream job anymore. What happened? What I realized was that I had stopped focusing on the excitement and fun of what I was doing and began looking at everything as a chore. Something that had to be checked off the list.
How did I get myself out of this? I began to to ask myself one question in everything I did; ” Where is the fun and enjoyment in this?” What i realized was that it was still there I just wasn’t paying attention to it. For example instead of focusing on the fun and excitement I got from teaching and opening peoples minds to new ideas I started to focus on the chore of preparing for class and grading papers and tests. While both are a necessary evil of teaching it isn’t everything. I love when I come up with creative ways to get a point across or I say something that clicks with students in a way that they have never thought before. When I started to refocus on that part of the job I became more energetic and excited about what I was doing.
So what’s the point? When we are feeling stale, tired and stressed, it is important to focus on the enjoyment that you get from what you are doing. It may sound too simple of a solution but I have found it really works. It takes practice and isn’t a miracle cure but if you stay with it over a couple of weeks it can have a big affect on mood and energy level.
If you are not happy with your job you are not alone. In a recent survey almost 50% of those surveyed claimed they planned on looking for a new job within the next year. Unfortunately, a new job is not always the answer. Sometimes you have to make the best of where you are. Many people really get stuck in this type of a situation. They want to find ways to find enjoyment in what they do but can’t seem to make it happen.
Click on the link below to get some excellent and non-traditional advice on how you can learn to improve your job satisfaction with the current job you have. ( I know it works because it worked for me.)
Of all of the definitions of Leadership the best one that I have ever heard is the first line in the book “Level Three Leadership” by James Clawson. Here is his definition;
“Leadership is about managing Energy, first in yourself and then in those around you.”
What a great definition. Have you ever thought about leadership in this way? How do you manage energy within yourself? How do you keep yourself motivated? One way to think about this is to ask yourself what is it that takes away your energy. In my coach training at Coach U we referred to these types of energy drainers as tolerations. A toleration was anything that you put up with. Tolerations took away energy from you and prevented you from achieving everything you wanted. Here are a few examples of things that we tolerate
A messy desk
too many emails
Not having enough clients
Too many unfinished projects
Unresolved conflicts
I remember when I went through the tolerations class we were asked to come up with 100 things we were tolerating. Sounds like a lot but once I got on a roll I got pretty close to 100. What I noticed from my list was that I had a lot more control over the things I was putting up with than I thought. As I began eliminating some of the tolerations I felt more energized.
Try this exercise. Make a list of 20 things you are currently putting up with. It could be at work or home. Eliminate 2-3 within the next week and see what happens.
In my blog today is the video of Jimmy Valvano giving his famous speech at the Espy awards in 1993. If you haven’t seen it you need to take 10 minutes out of your day to watch this video.
Jimmy V’s Famous speech is a lesson in leading with Emotional Intelligence
As I was driving to work today ESPN sports (the only station I listen to) was replaying a famous speech given at the Espy awards (a sports award show) back in 1993 by Jim Valvano. Every time I hear it I am so moved and inspired that I thought I would share this with you.
If you are not familiar with Jim Valvano and the speech he gave at the 1993 ESPN Espy awards it is something that you will want to watch. If you have seen it before, watch it again. It will change your day and will only take 10 minutes of your time.
Jim Valvano was a famous college basketball coach who in 1983 pulled off one of the greatest college basketball upsets when his team North Carolina State won the NCAA basketball tournament. In 1992 Valvano was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He gave this speech in 1993 knowing that he did not have much time to live. He died less than two month’s after giving this speech.
What I take from this speech is Jimmy’s comments that every day you must do three things;” Laugh, think, and have your emotions be brought to tears. Think about this, if you laugh, think, and cry, that is a heck of a day.” Jimmy understood a big part of emotional intelligence. He allowed himself to experience a full range of emotions every single day and that is what gave his life meaning.
As leaders of others we should not only encourage ourselves but those who follow us to laugh, think, and to be moved emotionally every day. We sometimes get so caught up in what we are trying to accomplish that we forget what is really important.
Take a look at this video and leave a message on what it means to you.
If you are a football fan you have obviously heard that Brett Favre is considering returning to football after retiring this past spring. You are also probably aware that for the past 3 years he has struggled mightly with his decision of whether or not to retire or come back to play football. It seems to me that Brett might be suffering from a lack of what is called “impulse control.” Impulse control is a critical competency in emotional intelligence. When a person has impulse control they may feel a certain way but they don’t always act on those feelings. For example; you may be angry with an employee but you don’t react until you have time to think it through. In Favre’s case it has been reported that he is feeling “the itch” to come back. That itch is an emotion or a feeling. Listening to other athletes comment on Favre it is an itch that many athletes have after they retire. However, with strong impulse control you are able to manage that “itch” and think logically through the situation. In Favre’s case he may recognize that it is normal to feel this way and think back to the reasons he retired. People with low impulse control tend to react to every emotion and are not able to think it through. My guess is that this is most likely a tendency that we are born with and that some have this ability more than others. Never the less it can be developed and is a critical competency that a leader must possess. What does low impulse control look like in the business world? Here are a few examples;
1. Losing it in a meeting and yelling at someone.
2. Reacting to every problem as if it were the end of the world
3. Making a major decision without taking time to look at all of the factors and other possibilities.
We are probably all guilty of this to some degree. Learning to manage our impulses and think through an issue is important at work and at home. It can keep you from snapping at the kids, making bad decisions, and being seen as someone who is over reactive. How do you do this? We’ll discuss next time.
The EmergeU program is about helping individuals develop their emotional intelligence in a way that supports them in becoming effective leaders in their organization and improving relationships in all aspects of their lives. Our EmergeU program is often referred to as life changing! Here are just a few comments.
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